And then we all went home...

It feels quite hard to bring this piece of writing to a close. Perhaps because the atmosphere at St. B's was very supportive of the prayer work we were there to do, and particularly because I think many of us in Part 1 of the Exercises were holding one another in prayer and feeling held. Many of us seemed to experience very challenging and raw times through the retreat and it was good to share that, albeit silently, with those alongside us. Also there was a sense of the work we could do through withdrawing from busy daily lives into some holy space. Justine Allain-Chapman says helpfully about this,

'Withdrawing and sitting with our stuff means we can begin to focus within, encounter our self and in doing so find strength to endure and to act...Silence and solitude...direct energy within and guard our inner lives in order that we may encounter the self and God. Refraining from speech enables (us) to attend to the inner self. it was said of Abba Agathon (a desert father) that for three years he lived with a stone in his mouth, until he had learnt to keep silence!'

 So on the final morning, after Eucharist, we took the metaphorical stones out of our mouths, and spoke a little about the awesomeness of our experiences. But what would remain once we were back in situations of family life, work and worship?


My first week back, I managed about half an hour of prayer! Not something I am proud of. It was so easy to be distracted by... nothing much, actually. I realised I felt a bit weary and unfocused. It took time to re-claim a pattern of prayer that I could use on a daily basis, but I'm glad that is now becoming much more 'natural.'


The one thing that I simply haven't been able to put down has been the practice of waking prayer. Though I found it so hard at the beginning, the fact that I do wake every night gives me a natural space to use the Ignatian examen as I look back into the day past and forward into the coming day. Sometimes this is rather bleary prayer, it's true, but it does seem to have been the thread which has nurtured a longing for God somewhere deep within me and pushed me on to find more time for the growth of this relationship.

Being on Sabbatical still means I haven't immediately re-engaged with the cut and thrust of daily life in the parish. It's back there that I will face the challenge of what it means to be 'choosing Christ in the world.'